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  • Donald Trump Pardons Charles Manson

    by Mark Tan
    January 19, 2021
    Washington D.C.

    President Trump during his last day in office has signed a presidential pardon for Charles Manson.

    I love signing executive orders,he said, to the standing room only in the Oval Office.

    When asked a question from a reporter, who sneaked into the signing ceremony, by pretending to be a member of the Charles Manson club, he ordered the Secret Service to remove her from the White House grounds.

    Get her finger prints and add them to the Reporter Ban Super Cloud Computer, he shouted to the agents as they removed her from the Oval Office. And all the real members of the club jeered and applauded.

    As you may remember, a few weeks before the 2108 election, the Republican congress and President Trump passed the Crooked Media Act, banning unauthorized reporters from the White House, Air Force One or any government building, and prohibiting any government employee from talking to any member of the press, or to any living person, including family, who does not believe President Trump is the step child of Zeus.

    Sean Spicer, who has signed an endorsement contract with Old Spicer for their new head shaving cream, now that he as lost all his hair, due to the weight bore by his conscience, after being forced to lie to the American public day in and day out. His hairs, instead of turning white decided that they just did not want to be brushed over, to keep on covering patches and holes on his head.

    After Mr. Spicer signed the contract, he told his wife. Look, honey, all the lies paid off. Only athletes get this much money for endorsements.

    Mr. Spice addressed the two remaining news organization allowed in the White House, letting them know that we will learn more about the executive pardons via the President's tweets.

    The President will be tweeting in five minutes,Mr. Spicer said. The tweets speak for themselves.

    President Trump sent out his first tweet while Mr. Spicer was still talking to Fox News and Brietbart, whose reporters reside in the White House, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year , since the Crooked Media Act passed Congress.

    Unbeknown to the American public, the bill also authorized the remodeling of two White House guest rooms, to be converted into plush penthouses for these two prestigious news outlets.

    Ex-Russian super models attend to all the needs of the male-only White House reporters. The accommodations have come with a price tag for the reporters. There has been a high number of divorces among the White House reporters pool.

    We don't like going home, one Breitbart reported said, asking that we do not reveal his name.You know the Donald does not like leaks.

    Our over weight wives can't compete with skinny Russian models,he said. We love it here.

    The first tweet from the President was followed by a tweet storm. It started late in the afternoon an continued till 3 a.m, when the President finally fell asleep. One of his chamber maids came in tucked him and wiped his lips with a Ivanka Signature Line Tissue, manufactured in China, by one of Kim Jong-un's second cousins, who defected to China two years ago.

    Here is a short account of some of the tweets the FCC has allowed us to print:

    The First Tweet: He is a great, great guy. Very Strong. Very POPULAR

    Second: He loves and RESPECTS women. Just like me.

    Third: Look at all the women who want to marry him.

    There were too many tweets to write them all here, please Follow @theDonald, and @CharlieM, to read all of them.

    Let me summarize the 950 tweets the President's sent out in the next few sentences: Charlie, he is a Closer.

    He can persuade anybody to do anything.

    I could use a guy like that my School, my REAL Estate Deals.

    He would have been Great, just Great when I talked to Kim Jong-un They are kindred spirits. We all are.

    And the final tweet before he fell asleep: Charlie deserves to be free in the World. Doing what he does best.

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